I have a friend

After I wrote the blog entitled "real friends" I realized that I have exactly what I want. I have a friend who listens to me, gives me advice, helps me, stops by, cares and loves me. I have a friend of whom will never leave me and has already given me so much without me realizing it. As I have wrote before I am finding that path that leads me closer to the lord, and as I am far from perfect. It setteled my mind from being lonely when I made the simple realization that God is my friend and is here for me. He will never leave me and is the strongest person I know. Tho he cant sit down and have a cup of coffee with me, I can always look over and just start talking. I know he is listening and I have began to realize the way he talks back with me. I feel lighter, and happier just realizing this. And honestly knew it all along but was blinded by what this world has defined as a friend. Until next time, I am at least never alone!

Real Friends

I dont understand how hard it is to pick up a phone or drop by. A year ago I wanted so bad to move back to the city where I went to school so I could be around my friends. A year later I find it doesnt matter where I am, because I dont really matter to them. the people whom I have dropped everything for, fought for and valued our friendship dont even send me a hello on a social network I think was only invented to make you think you have friends. I may have 2 children but that does not mean I am a different person, I have certainly not changed for the worse in the areas that I have. Even when you tell the people you care about that you do, it doesnt change anything. I never knew life could be so lonley, that someone could long for the interaction of just one person regularly someone who you can call and no matter what time it is they show up. One who stops by because they heard a song about you, or because they were in the area. I would for someone who would care. I just dont get it.... I am so tired of being alone, of having so little interaction, of laughing so little and always feeling caged in my own home. all I need is a friend. of course my significant other is my best friend, but its really sad when thats what we want together... when we both crave friendship...

About Mommy

Where to begin...... I was born on November 23rd of 1986 in Milwuakee Wisconsin. My mom is Lisa and Dad is Don. I had an easy childhood, of I have only few complaints. My Mom and Dad broke up when I was 3 years old and for much time dont remember him much. I remember my aunts and uncles really more than anything. Growing up of course you learn all kinds of things, who you are where you come from and who to trust. Some people hurt you and some love you, some stay for a short time and some stay forever. When I was in 5th grade we lived in wyandotte kansas and I went to eugeneware elementary school. I met a boy named Cory, and to this day he is still a very good friend of mine. In middle school he is one of the two that saved my life. I was born with heart problems that we wouldnt find out until I was in middle school jump roping in gym class. Cory and James (my two best friends) were with me and I felt a sudden race in my chest. I had felt this before and was told it was normal so I ignored it. The bell rang and we 3 walked to the next class which was math, Mrs. Smith looked at me and asked if I was ok, I replied yes and sat down.. after staring at me for a few mins I got up and said I think i need to go to the nurse, almost collapsing. The racing still in my chest Cory and James assisted me to the nurses office where I was informed that she was going to call my mom, in and out of memory now I remember her telling my mom she was going to call an ambulance if she didnt arrive within x amount of mins. she hung up with mom and dialed 911. that was a horrible day at school for me because I not only was facing this traumatic expierence but had to walk around the halls wearing a gown and being attached to this machine called an ekg. Cory stayed with me the whole time. looking back I only wish I would have been a better friend to him cause now I only get to see him ever few years and that breaks my heart. He is a wonderful friend who I would not replace for anything. Middle school was trying as i never fit in. I played the flute in band and was just unpopular. I switched schools in 8th grade to a completely different world than I was used to. still un popular and no needed glasses. of course I will go back and fill in important events in later blogs but this one is a summary... Highschool was the best and worst years of my life... of course not as great as giving birth to the two most beautiful children! in later detail I will fill in the gaps but there is a little glimpse of my life... unpopluar, geeky and with health problems!

A peaceful Goodbye

A peaceful Goodbye

The fire died with our passions,
our vows vanish and stray.
these rings will turn to ashes,
we will go our separate ways.
As these ashes turn to dust,
and stars begin to fade,
nothing held a future for us,
nothing held out fate.
Flowers wilt and soon will die,
there is only a memory left.
the sun sets from the sky,
its a secret never kept.
whispers soon become silence,
as silence becomes black,
there was no gate to the fence,
there was no turning back.
we never got a chance to say fair-well,
at least not at peace.
may you succeed in all this hell,
and find a heart you can keep.
there will never again be pain,
as the moon takes the past to fly.
ill turn to look at you one more time,
and peacefully say goodbye.

Just some thoughts from a Christian soul.

When you think of forever, you imagine many happy years, but forever is really until that last breath is taken. Many questions often appear in a persons mind after forever comes and none of them get answered. We all have our faith we all believe in something. I believe forever is really forever there is no time limit there is no end. Everyone faces a judgement day when God asks you why on many things some believe that their answers will never be good enough for him, I believe he just wants you to admit it. People don't talk about god like they should and I will admit I am one of them. We use his name in vein we blame him when things go wrong we only talk to him when we need something and only thank him when things go our way. We should thank him for the family that we are blessed with, or the children we have. we should talk to him when we have a bad day and when we hurt. We should not blame him when things happen as it is in our own hands. I do admit I am guilty of every one of these things. I am ready to take the step further and become closer to God. I have been baptised and I have been saved but that's not good enough to feel the true love of God. Many have not read the bible as I have not but the parts I have read are a great story full of happiness tears pain and suspense. It was truly the best book every written. "I once was lost but now I see". I know some people don't believe in God and that this is a touchy subject my question for you is why not have faith in something, when you die what do you have to lose? Having faith and belief that there is someone listening to you and someone who doesn't judge you? If there is nothing at the end why not live a life believing there is. wouldn't it give you hope? Hope that you will see your loved ones again, hope that maybe you will find some healing? I leave you with a question, and please don't think I am just pushing to get you to believe, I am mearly speaking how I feel and what I think. If tomorrow were your last day would you ask God to forgive you?